Tonight, Kristin and I hit the town for a little dinner and a movie at Lakeside Village. When we got home, there was a large toad near our doorstep. This was not unusual. In fact, most nights there is a rather large frog that sits in the corner of our doorstep. He has never bothered us and we often comment about how comical it is that he sits in the same spot every evening. Anyway…Tonight I went upstairs to check my e-mail when suddenly I hear Kristin yelling from the living room. “There’s a frog in the house!” I casually get up from my chair and head down stairs where I expect to simply scoot the large toad out into the yard. Even Kristin is not on edge at this point. She says, “He’s under the couch, I’ll open the door and you scoot him out with the broom”. Not a problem. So I slide the broom toward him and he immediately evades my swipe by swiftly hopping over my broom, out from under the couch, and onto a side table. It was at this point that I knew I was not dealing with our friendly, over-sized toad. I am not an expert in amphibians, but I knew that this particular hop was far too fast for a yard toad.

I slowly moved toward the side table anticipating that the frogs next move would be yet another unpredictable hop. Only this time I feared that he would attach himself to my face, giving him the upper hand, and placing me in no position to negotiate. Anyway, as I approached the side table I saw him firmly attached to one of the legs. I recognized him as a large tree frog. Again, although I am not an expert in the character traits of amphibians, I am acutely aware of the swift movement of a tree frog. I immediately got my priorities in line. “Kristin! Quick! Grab my camera, and then get the Brita Water Pitcher out of the dishwasher.” After a few small advances toward the creature he jumped to the under side of the table. I considered lying on my back and trying to trap him, but I knew that placing the creature above me while lying on my back would again put me at a disadvantage and perhaps even cause the frog to attack me in the form of a jump on face.

After a several attempts to drive him toward the door I finally caught a break. The slimy creature attached himself to the wall and began to climb up. Apparently, he had become a bit too confident and fell from the wall where he landed on the edge of our Thomasville Entertainment Center. I knew that he was unsure of his next move. There was nowhere for him to go. I slowly approached, snapped a picture, and then dropped the Brita Water Pitcher on top of the frog. Immediately the intensity left the room. The situation was diffused. Actually, Kristin was just as angry or even more so because I asked her to take a picture of me and the captured animal. I’m sure all of you will appreciate that I took the time to document the whole event via photography. Enjoy.

The Frog. Perched on the furniture, just before his capture.


Stretchy. The frog behind the love seat.


Captured. I tried to make a serious face like a captor, but I just ended up looking mentally disturbed.

The hives have subsided.  I am relieved. 

THE CULPRIT

Apparently, I’m allergic to this antibiotic that actually proved to be anti-Jordan. It was prescribed for a throat infection about two weeks ago…I get strep throat about as easily as I get annoyed with slow drivers, but usually the Doctor prescribes a “Z-pack” which is steroids. This time my ENT opted for antibiotics…With that, I would like to say a “special thanks” to the nurse practitioner at Dr. Mierson’s office.

I know many of you are dying to see pictures of the welts. Unfortunately, that would compromise the family friendly nature of jordanrippy.com, due to the location of many of the welts…If you know what I mean…Too personal? Probably. But Benadryl knows no boundaries. Neither do hives.

I’ve got ‘em.   All over.  I’ve never had hives before.  I have had the chicken pox, but I was so young that I really don’t remember them.  There is a lot of discomfort involved in having hives.  It’s kind of like a game though,  because every time I wake up from a Benadryl-induced nap I find a new outbreak.  Most recently I have found welts around my eyes, under my arms, and on my hands!

I have no idea what caused the outbreak.  I’m not allergic to any foods that I know of.  It all started Saturday.  I felt a little itchy all over, but I didn’t really think much about it.  I got home from Sarasota late Saturday night and noticed five welts on my shoulder.  Even then I thought that perhaps a mosquito had just bitten me several times.  Then Sunday during church my legs really started itching…When I got home I changed out of my dress clothes and that’s when I noticed the welts all over my hips and legs…Home remedies anyone?

One thing I didn’t know about Kristin when we got married (two months ago today) is that she is very serious about her mail. Not male as in me, but mail as in letters brought by the postman. Now that I have realized how much she enjoys getting mail I like to make a big announcement when she gets a letter. So last night I walk in the door and pull an over-sized envelop from the stack of mail and say, “Oh what’s this? I wonder who this is for!?” Kristin runs excitedly from the kitchen…“For me? Is that for me?” “I don’t know.” I say as I pretend to open the envelop. “Let’s find out!” Kristin pretty much goes ballistic chasing me around the house and pleading with me to let her open it. We are both laughing and having a joyous time until suddenly the envelop slips from my hand and falls to the ground. “Now I’ve got it!” Kristin says, as she reaches for the letter…Just before she picks it up I decide to try and slide it away with my foot…I slam my foot down on top of the letter only to feel unbearable pain. The brad which sealed the letter had been pulled up and ruthlessly pierced the bottom of my foot. I lie there in sheer agony as Kristin opens the letter…It was an informational brochure on the Green Family Vacation. My foot bled profusely for about thirty seconds. It was terrible.


The Laceration. (My feet are dirty from going to get the mail bare foot.)

The Instrument of Pain.